Have you ever given money to church? Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? Which one did you do for the potential (however misguided) financial reward? Lottery ticket. Not church, right? Right.
This week I happened to see a segment on the Christian Broadcast Network. Don’t ask how or why, I just did. It’s apparently pledge drive time at the ol’ CBN and to that end Pat Robertson made quite a promise. Donate money to CBN and you will see financial reward come back to you. He wasn’t talking Heavenly reward. He was talking payday here on Earth. He said that the government will break their promises, people will break their promises, but God won’t. And God is promising financial rewards if you’ll just send in a little cash. He quoted scripture and ran out a few examples. A guy suddenly inherited $10,000 after donating and another miraculously found a job right after he started to tithe. These two, according to Pat, are all the proof you need to whip out that check book and fire off a donation to the largest tele-ministry on earth. Then sit back and wait for the riches to roll in. That’s called spin, baby.
Every so often it’s pledge drive time for public television too. They have great spin. It goes something like this: “if you like what you see, send us some money and we’ll keep showing it.” I enjoy the cooking shows. I like to watch the travel shows and I like the fact that Sesame Street has a spot on the dial. I usually give them money, because I like what I see and want them to keep showing it. Same story with public radio. I love to listen to Car Talk and Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. I’ll pay for those programs. Here’s my check. If the next NPR pledge drive says “send us some money and you will reap financial rewards” then I’m out because that’s a lie.
So the CBN isn’t getting any of my money. In fact they’re getting a little of my ire for being so deceitful. Donating money to church won’t make you rich. Sorry. Let’s look at the numbers. I go to church with about 1,000 other people. Let’s say 30% of them give money. 300 people giving money. In any given week do you think something good happens to one of those 300 people? Yes it does. Do you think something good happens to one of the 700 who don’t give? You bet. These are independent events people. It is wrong, dare I say sinful, for Pat to stand there in your television set and promise your desperate soul that if you give him your hard earned cash you will get money in return. Shame, shame, shame.
I don’t have a problem with giving money to churches or preachers. In fact, I think faith-based giving plays a bigger role in making the world a better place than it gets credit for. As is the case so often, however, my problem is with the spin. Imagine how much more appealing it would be if Pat said “hey, we do a lot of good in the world. We spread the word of God, we build water wells and school houses in poor nations, we fight disease and starvation. If that’s important to you then send us a check and we’ll keep doing it.” Now you’re talking my language Pat.
I have two little thoughts eating away at my brain, though, as to why Pat doesn’t speak my language. One is that maybe the reality is “hey, we need to make big mortgage payments and buy new Cadillacs but you wouldn’t send us your money if I told you that.” The second is “hey, I know other people’s suffering and our good works don’t move you so I’m looking for the most effective way to separate you from your money.” Do they really know what the Christian part of CBN stands for anymore?
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