It's amazing, that look in your eyes ...

People amaze me every day. But not in a Captain-Sully-landing-an-airplane-on-the-Hudson way. Rather in a Jerry-Seinfeld-what’s-the-deal- with-that way.

It turns out a truck driver in Louisiana tried to trade two kids for a bird. Read that again. Imagine how that conversation went.

“Nice bird.”
“Thanks, you know I’ve always liked your kids.”

Now these are not infant kids, these are 4 and 5 year old kids. What does it cost to adopt an infant? I think it’s in the forty thousand dollar range, right? So if you thought new car values dropped the minute you drive off the lot think again. Maybe they should have just leased those kids so they wouldn’t lose as much on resale. Anyway, I’m not only amazed by the person trading the kids for a bird, but I’m amazed that someone would think “hey, what a great deal, two kids for a bird. I didn't like that bird anyway.” So much as I do when driving around in my car, I’ll give this dude the bird for free.

People amaze me with their beliefs. I’ll be the first to admit that all forms of spirituality have their own brand of hokiness, but black magic takes the cake. It turns out that motorcycle riders in Nigeria are wearing dried melon rinds on their heads instead of helmets. Helmets, you see, are under black magic spells causing the wearer to become drowsy and therefore easier to rob. If my motorcycle helmet made me drowsy I’d be worried about crashing, not getting robbed. In the Congo a riot broke out at a soccer match where fans were convinced that a player was using black magic to influence the outcome. Picture this: you’re at a NASCAR race and Dale Earnhardt Jr. is flying around on a broom shrieking “I’ll get you my pretty.” Cue the flying monkeys and you’ve got yourself one crazy riot. Oh and the amazing police reaction to calm the crowd? That’s right. Start shooting. To be fair, the people in the Congo are probably pretty amazed at how some folks here get hysterical when they see the Virgin Mary’s face in an oil slick.

And finally, how can you not be amazed by the latest octuplet story. Octuplets are so rare that my Microsoft Word spell check dictionary doesn’t even include the word! For those living under a rock the last few weeks, a mother of six had fertility treatments, became pregnant and gave birth to octuplets. She can’t care for them, she can’t feed, them and so on. And so far all we’ve done is heap scorn on her for being so selfish and irresponsible as to want fourteen kids. Now I know it’s not easy to take care of one kid let alone fourteen so I’ve got a solution for this lady: there’s a guy in Louisiana who’ll trade her a bird ...