Oldest Trick in the Book

I routinely chide myself for being too fat. However, I realize after watching a full season of “The Biggest Loser” that I am not obese. I can buy clothes off the rack. And I can fit into an airplane seat. In fact, I have a long, long way to go before I can’t fit in an airplane seat. For those who passed that point, though, United Airlines has adopted a policy of charging obese passengers for a second seat.


First of all let me say that I have no problem with what United is doing. Look at it this way, if I want a little extra seat space to put my laptop or my jacket I can’t just take it from the person next to me. If I need that extra space I need to pay for it. That’s the deal. My problem is with the spin.


United said they are adopting this new policy because they received 700 complaints last year. They flew 63,000,000 passengers last year. That’s a pretty low complaint ratio. Exponentially low. At least now we know the magic number for United. If 700 of us band together and complain about our luggage getting lost ... Sheesh. Do they really expect me to believe this?


Airlines have been in the business of charging extra fees for a long time and lately they’ve kicked it up a notch. In the past you had to pay a fee to change your ticket. Then you had to pay if you wanted to talk to a live representative. Then you had to pay for onboard snacks. Then to check a bag. The airlines are making a lot of money off these fees – and good for them, by the way. This fat fee is just another revenue source for the airlines. There’s no principle at stake here other than money. They no more care about 700 complaints than your Congressman does. In fact, United would be perfectly happy if we all went out and put on about 300 pounds. Cha-ching!


It’s sort of like school funding in Texas. Grant me a little latitude here. A couple of years ago our secessionist Governor enacted a plan to improve school funding. He promised to decrease the traditional source of funding – property taxes – and increase corporate and cigarette taxes. You can be sure cigarette taxes went up. I don’t know much about corporate taxes, but oddly enough my property taxes have gone up too. Hmmm.


But that’s a rant for another time. Think about this America. My government has made cigarettes prohibitively expensive increasing price by 200% over 20 years. My government bans advertising cigarettes in mainstream media so nobody will get the idea to start smoking. My government bans smoking from restaurants. My government makes smokers stand twelve feet away from the door in a little designated area like some sort of pariah hoping they’ll give it up and come back to right side of life. My government makes the cigarette companies tell me how bad their product is for me so that I’ll never buy them again. My government just wants me to be healthy and happy, right?


But wait... (you're thinking) ... if Americans stop buying cigarettes who’s going to pay for our schools?


See, the government doesn’t care about your health or the inside of restaurants or outside of doorways. They care about taxes. Also known as Revenue. And this is an easy sell. “You don’t have to pay, America, just those dirty smokers have to pay and they should really quit anyway.”

“You don’t have to pay, America, just those lazy fat people and they should really lose the weight anyway.” Oldest trick in the book.

One Lump or Two?

It’s tea time America. Well, maybe it’s tea party time. This week saw some 300 protests, called Tea Parties, against the Bailout (incorrectly characterized as President Obama’s Bailout.) The party-goers likened themselves to the American colonists who protested taxation without representation. Inspired by our founding fathers, the party patrons threw coolers marked “tea” into the water.

See I can go to the internet and in a matter of minutes I can find out exactly who my state and federal representatives are. They know this because I use the same website to launch emails letting them know my opinion on the issues of the day. And every so often if I don’t like the job that they’re doing I can vote to fire them. And if I think I can do a better job, then I can run for that job myself. So can you. And so can these disgruntled tea tossers. Tell me you don’t like the job your representative is doing. Tell me the guy you voted for lost. Tell me things don’t always turn out like you want. I’ll tell you that’s Democracy. Love it or leave it.

Let’s consider our newly disenfranchised Republicans for a minute. These are the religious conservative, pro business folks who believe that government should get lost. They were so in vogue for the last eight years that many of them forgot it was possible to be anything else. These are the no-tax and spend Republicans who prosper in the times of no regulation and no taxation and complain when they have to live by the rules. It’s only natural that they feel cheated by the system now. They don’t control the system anymore, but it still works the same way. It’s not Fascism because it’s not Republican. It’s all Democracy my friends.

So my impulse is to say “get stuffed you greedy Republicans.” But instead I say “well done you greedy Republicans.” You see these conservatives are many things, but one thing they are not is politically active. Oh sure, they’ll write a check for you and they’ll even show up on Election Day. But they’re not going to hold up a protest sign. That’s a little too much like a labor union. So I’m glad to see they’re finally showing a little activism because here’s the revelation of the day: Democracy doesn’t work if only one point of view exists. Democracy is no accident, it’s not easy, and it requires you to step up and do your part. It’s starting to sound more like America: Live it or leave it.

So we may stand on opposite sides of the Congressional aisle. We may curse each other in the headlines. But there would be no Ali without Frazier.