Unschooling? What the what?!?

I read an article yesterday about Unschooling. Rather than following a set curriculum, the Unschooling child is in control of his learning and is free to decide what he wants to study and when he wants to study it. And of course this produces fabulous results. One child became a successful entrepreneur, one became a mathematician. I’m sure one will become Albert Einstein. Apparently the Lord of the Flies had it all wrong.

I’m a skeptic, of course, and view this as another rationalization by parents who don’t want to do any of the hard work of parenting. Or it’s a rationalization by the Tea Party to eliminate funding for education. Either way, I had the opportunity to study and learn what I wanted when I was a child too. It was called a hobby. Not school. I learned a lot about Star Wars and electric football. It was awesome, but neither included reading, writing, or ‘rithmetic.

Regardless, I owe it to you to do some objective analysis on this educational approach. But there are precious few examples of Unschooling children in the world. Our data set is far too small for meaningful analysis. Lucky for me, there are tens of millions of people to observe who study whatever they want whenever they want. We call them adults.

So using adults as a proxy for children – not as big a stretch as you might think when you consider we use mice as a proxy for children all the time – I did a little observing to see what these adults were learning. I was able to draw a few conclusions about what the hot subjects might be if there were an Unschooling course catalog… which there never would be…

1. Internet pornography
2. Call of Duty
3. The Kardashians (and several geographic varieties of housewives)
4. Fantasy Football
5. iPads

I hear that there is a Kardashian-mother-Bruce-Jenner sex tape out there. I’m sure a lot of Unschoolers will want to learn about that.

There were a few interesting observations as well. A lot of us enjoy learning about what to do if we’re stranded on a tropical island with a bunch of strangers and have to vote one of them off that island every week. Many of us, particularly men, like learning about numbers. A touchdown is 6. Ted Williams batted .406 in 1941. A Porsche 911 can go 0 to 60 in 4.7 seconds. Numbers, not math. And almost everyone, especially famous Unschoolers, likes learning about writing, but only 140 characters at a time and not with a pencil.

And despite repeated opportunities, no one seems to want to learn about how credit cards really work, the relationship between fat foods and fat bodies, functional governments, exit strategies, or how to behave like a decent human being while driving a car.

So until I see some 8 year old Unschooler reading about Alternate Minimum Taxes I’m not convinced.

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful...

Friends it seems that my voice is finally starting to echo around the hallowed halls of the New York Times. That’s right. Check out yesterday’s Op-Ed piece by Friedman (that’s Thomas, not Milton.) He’s finally saying what I’ve been saying all along: it’s up to you, my friends, to make the world a better place. His column should be far out-drawing the talking heads on either extreme that we seem to love so much.

So with Thomas holding up my end of the deal, I can end my political discourse for today and move on to a more seasonal topic: Christmas shopping.

The wife and I headed out for a little shopping on Saturday afternoon and to some degree beat the Thanksgiving-Christmas-Shopping crowd. We browsed along and said things like “that’s kind of nice” when what we meant was “honey, just buy me that while I run over to Starbuck’s.” And we came home with a few bags of presents for the nieces and nephews in our life as well. So a good day altogether.

Many years ago, while Christmas shopping as a child I purchased the “TV duck” for my dad’s present. It was a bean bag duck with a flap. It was designed to sit on the arm rest of the sofa and hold the TV remote control. What could be better? I didn’t realize at the time that it was a novelty gift. As I strolled through Macy’s this past weekend it warmed my heart to see that the tradition of Christmas novelty gifts is as strong as ever.

A couple that I noticed in particular:

• Dallas Cowboy Jenga. That will be going in the stocking of my Pittsburgh based brother-in-law. I expect he’ll use the game pieces as kindling, but it will be fun to imagine his friends thinking him a closet Cowboys fan.
• Dallas Cowboy Yahtzee. Specifically, Travel Yahtzee. It’s just 5 blue dice with silver dots. No score pads (because it’s “travel”.) I suppose it could double as Dallas Cowboy Travel Craps. Mom, check your stocking for blue and silver dice.
• Travel Coffee Cup. Not just any travel coffee cup. It has a temperature gauge on the side and an on/off switch so you can have precisely the right temperature coffee on the way to work. So tell me, at what temperature, exactly, do you like your coffee? Give me a number.
• The Chair Massager. The best thing about these potential gifts is that you can sit down for a quick massage while you’re looking over some ridiculously themed Jenga set.
• Electric football. Remember the old vibrating metal football field and the little plastic men running all over the place? It’s back. Greatest. Christmas. Present. Ever. I’m going to run over to Starbuck’s for a minute…
  

So here’s my philosophy on Christmas shopping: do it all online in August. Then, go to the mall at Christmas time and enjoy it. Do a little ice skating, get yourself a nice holiday latte, and enjoy it while there’s no pressure. You want a real treat? Valet park the car at the mall – you can afford it since you won’t be spending anything on novelty gifts. Then take a look at all those suckers in the inexplicably huge line at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and enjoy being smart enough to read my blog and heed my advice.

Merry Christmas. Wait, Happy Thanksgiving, sorry.

Ricky Bobby? Anyone?

Last Spring I found myself in the all too familiar position of defending NASCAR to my elitist East Coast friends. Why would anyone sit all afternoon to watch cars go around in a circle, they asked. Finally after much to’ing and fro’ing we settled on them admitting there was some skill involved and me admitting that the races should be shorter. Well my friends, I spent this past weekend in the grandstands of the Talladega Superspeedway watching 250 miles of truck racing and 500 miles of big league, left-turn-only, stock car racing.

And it was awesome. It was loud and fast. You feel the rumble in your chest when the pack passes by and hear the whirr of the air guns when they change tires. It is a full-on assault on all five senses and it is awesome. TV doesn’t do it justice. I’m thinking of getting tickets for the race in Texas this weekend…

There were a couple of funny moments, as you can imagine. Paul Menard crashed after only 5 miles of racing bringing out the first caution flag of the day. Several cars entered the pits and changed tires. A man behind me turned to his racing buddy and said derisively “we have cars that can go a thousand miles on a set of tires and these guys are changing them after 2 laps.” Seriously? Yes. And his buddy nodded in agreement. [Note: if you don’t understand why this is absurd, tickets are on sale for next year’s race. You’ll fit right in.]

The crowd was huge. 143,000 chain smokers all in one place. It was like the Marlboro Man had died - well, died again - and gone to heaven. And nobody seems to give a shit that they’re flicking ashes all over the other 142,999 people’s jackets.

There was this little guy in front of me, Jesse, who was jawing back and forth with his buddy all day about who’s driver was better, Denny Hamlin or Kyle Busch. Hamlin blew an engine on lap 137 and you’d have thought Jesse’s dog died. I mean these folks take their racing seriously. Too seriously. I doubt Denny Hamlin was as broken up about it as Jesse. I don't know how Jesse found the will to live.

Regardless, the racing is awesome and I had a fantastic weekend which I wouldn’t trade for much.

I admit that the fans drive me freakin’ crazy, though. Maybe you've heard this from me before, but it’s not just racing fans that do that. I have come to realize that every time I go someplace there’s someone or something in the crowd that really pisses me off. I’m convinced – as I straighten my newly acquired reading glasses – that this may be the truest sign that I’m getting older.

So I say all that to say this: the next time you’re in a crowd, and think you’re not being a horse’s ass, take a look around because you’re probably pissing somebody off.

I just can't help myself...

That’s it. I’ve had it with all these bleepin’-bleepin’ snakes on this bleepin’-bleepin’ plane! The conservative media in this country has officially jumped the shark. They’ve been declining for a while but finally a leather-jacket-wearing-water-skiing Rush Limbaugh has jumped over a big, nasty shark called the NFL.

According to Rush, “This is not about the NFL, it’s not about the St.
Louis Rams, it’s not about me, this is about the ongoing effort by the left in
this country, wherever you find them, in the media, the Democrat Party, or
wherever, to destroy conservatism, to prevent the mainstreaming of anyone who is prominent as a conservative. Therefore, this is about the future of the
United States of America and what kind of country we’re going to have.”

This is about the future of America? Really? It’s not about you Rush? Really? Why don’t you take some responsibility for your negative remarks about the NFL (Donovan McNabb, anyone) and accept that it IS about you. Get it through your ego that maybe you are not everything to everyone. Maybe it is not a vast left wing conspiracy to keep you down – do you really believe you’ve been kept down? Maybe, just maybe the NFL doesn’t want you because of you and not because some cadre of trench-coat-wearing leftists has infiltrated the richest good old boy network in the country.

Rush recently described Obama as a “disaster” and Jimmy Carter as an “utter disgrace” but George W. Bush is “the most decent, down to earth, real man you could ever hope to meet”. Rush is so predictable and so one sided that he has lost 100% of his credibility. Sort of like reality TV.

Pick an issue and I am sure that Rush can concoct a conspiracy story. Chicago didn’t get the Olympics – payback because the world hates Obama who hails from Chicago. Drug wars in Mexico – what did you expect? The Left won’t let them sell drugs in a free market so they kill innocent conservatives in the streets and you’re next. Tsunamis in the Pacific? Obviously the Left is allowing these things to happen so they can swoop in with a big taxpayer funded relief bureaucracy. Can't buy an NFL team? It's the Left, of course.

And Rush is not alone. Mark Levin, another conservative commentator has lost all of his credibility too. He’s a smart guy. He makes some good points. But his criticisms of the Left boil down to calling them Nazis and insulting their physical appearance. It’s like debating with a 4 year old, or a table as Barney Frank might say. He is so predictable and one sided that he too has lost all credibility.

These are serious times and we need serious people. There is a worthy debate to be had around caring for our sick, employing our work force, and sustaining a viable financial system. And there are reasonable solutions – look at the rest of the world, these problems are being solved by smart people everywhere. Is it the best you can do to call people names? Is that all you bring to the table?

Rush and his ilk are simply entertainers now. So before you tell me that Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin have no business in politics recognize that the leader of the Republican party is one of them. People always fault the “liberal media” but the truth is that the conservative media in this country has devolved from journalism to entertainment. And that’s a shame because there are some smart guys out there who would rather make ratings better than make America better. Idiots.

How green is your valley?

The G8 nations are locking horns on greenhouse gases. Again. At the ongoing meetings in Italy they are failing to reach any sort of consensus on climate change. Again. It all boils down to this: “you big, fancy developed nations can’t sit there now atop all your prosperity and tell us poor, little developing nations that we can’t do exactly what you did to get where you got.” Now to be fair, realize that the poor, little developing nations are China and India. The two most populous nations in the world. One-third of the world citizenship.

Do you want to know why the G8’s can’t agree? Because people don’t care. Well, let me rephrase that. Not enough people care enough. I mean, hey, I care about global warming. But not enough to put off that plane trip for my Tahoe vacation this year. I care about global warming, but not enough to carpool to work. I care about global warming, but not enough to buy goods produced in globally-responsible economies.

Ah. There’s the real currency of climate change. Money. So the China’s and India’s of the world – literally – don’t want to be economically disadvantaged by the cost of climate friendly production. [As a side note, I’m not sure America wanted to be economically disadvantaged by the low cost of labor in China and India, but that’s another blog for another time.] So I say, let the people sort this out.

Specifically, I say you people sort this out. I know that I continually harp on this stark-raving mad idea of personal responsibility and individual action… and here we go again. Let’s say you don't like the way China operates their pollution policy. Stop buying things made in China. Easier said than done, yes, but possible to do. So put your money where your mouth is. If you don’t like poor little orphans in sweatshops making your running shoes, buy different shoes. Rather than try to change the way China or India behaves, change the way you behave. That’s personal responsibility and individual action, baby!

That’s the real inconvenient truth isn’t it? All of a sudden you've got to research the products you buy and the stores you buy them in. Do a little homework. Go out of your way. Well, but you’re already stretched pretty thin. I mean, you’ve got to work all day, get the grocery shopping done, keep the house clean, get the kids to soccer practices and dance recitals. I mean, when are you going to find the time to be environmentally responsible? You’re not. You care more about your job, your groceries, and your kids than you do about whether or not the average world temperature goes up one degree in the next one hundred years. And so does the G8.

So don’t put all this pressure on the G8 to do something that we’re not all willing to do ourselves. If enough of us cared enough, the G8 could spend a little less time disagreeing on climate change and little more time agreeing on other stuff. Like which of them is going to step up to buy the next round of US debt...

It's Arbor Day America

OK, somebody has to do something. It might have to be you and me, but it’s got to be somebody and it’s got to be now. We’re letting partisan buffoonery stand in the way of reason at exactly the wrong time.

Look, we’re facing economic crisis and I don’t mean mortgages, Wall Street, or unemployment. I mean you, me and our children. I mean national debt and I mean taxes. Think about this: my share of the national debt is $37,204 today. So is yours. So is each of your children’s. And it’ll be more tomorrow. And it’ll be more as the $787 billion bailout finds a way to fund itself.

There’s only a couple of ways to get that money. Either take more money in (increase taxes) or pay less money out (cut spending.) It’s really that simple. Honest. So who’s in favor of taking more money in? Taxes anyone? Bueller? I didn’t think so.

President Obama has proposed reviving the PAYGO practices and codifying them into law. (PAYGO basically says that if you want a dollar of spending you’ve got to cut a dollar of spending. Pay as you go. Get it?) Critics run to the right and say he is a hypocrite for requiring fiscal discipline after authorizing trillions in bailout money. I say phooey. The critics cannot simply say “you OK’d $787 billion in bailout so we’re not going to worry about being responsible with the taxpayer dollar either.” That, my friends, is partisan jack-assery getting in the way of your well being. And your children’s well being.

Now I’m not going to stand here in the glow of the old chestnut “I’ve got to live within my means, so why shouldn’t the government?” There are times for deficit spending. Just look at your local governments hamstrung by balanced budget laws. Just when things get tough economically they start raising taxes on you because you insisted they balance their budget. What I’m saying is the time for deficit spending is past. Sooner or later, er, sooner rather than later, we’re going to have to get some financial discipline in Washington.

So let’s take PAYGO out of the context of the bailout and put it into the context of fiscal responsibility. The prudent thing to do now, facing this huge debt, is to cut spending by more than one dollar for each new dollar spent. That’s right. More. I call it Super PAYGO. or SPAYGO. Or SUPAYGO, I'm not really sure yet. But if you want to spend $1 on guns, then cut $1.50 in butter. Raise the bar. Cut the expenses. But how on earth can the government cut, honestly cut, expenses? The same way corporate America does it. Get better at what you do. Streamline. Increase productivity. Nothing incents innovation more than hard times. Turn that spotlight onto the government and make them use your money more efficiently. Easier said than done, yes, but start saying it or it’ll never get done.

I don’t believe PAYGO needs to be a law (remember the hamstrung local governments.) It simply needs to be a practice enforced by our leadership. Don’t pass a bill with irresponsible spending in committee. Or on the House floor. Or the Senate. Or the White House. Don’t require that a law force you to act responsibly – do it yourself that’s why we elected you.

There’s an old adage that says the best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is right now. Well, same goes for fiscal responsibility in Washington. It is time, America, to plant that tree. It is time before the idiocracy of super partisan politics causes generations of financial hardship. By the way, your share of the national debt went up one cent while you read this. So did your kid’s.

The Spin Cycle

Have you ever given money to church? Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? Which one did you do for the potential (however misguided) financial reward? Lottery ticket. Not church, right? Right.

This week I happened to see a segment on the Christian Broadcast Network. Don’t ask how or why, I just did. It’s apparently pledge drive time at the ol’ CBN and to that end Pat Robertson made quite a promise. Donate money to CBN and you will see financial reward come back to you. He wasn’t talking Heavenly reward. He was talking payday here on Earth. He said that the government will break their promises, people will break their promises, but God won’t. And God is promising financial rewards if you’ll just send in a little cash. He quoted scripture and ran out a few examples. A guy suddenly inherited $10,000 after donating and another miraculously found a job right after he started to tithe. These two, according to Pat, are all the proof you need to whip out that check book and fire off a donation to the largest tele-ministry on earth. Then sit back and wait for the riches to roll in. That’s called spin, baby.

Every so often it’s pledge drive time for public television too. They have great spin. It goes something like this: “if you like what you see, send us some money and we’ll keep showing it.” I enjoy the cooking shows. I like to watch the travel shows and I like the fact that Sesame Street has a spot on the dial. I usually give them money, because I like what I see and want them to keep showing it. Same story with public radio. I love to listen to Car Talk and Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. I’ll pay for those programs. Here’s my check. If the next NPR pledge drive says “send us some money and you will reap financial rewards” then I’m out because that’s a lie.

So the CBN isn’t getting any of my money. In fact they’re getting a little of my ire for being so deceitful. Donating money to church won’t make you rich. Sorry. Let’s look at the numbers. I go to church with about 1,000 other people. Let’s say 30% of them give money. 300 people giving money. In any given week do you think something good happens to one of those 300 people? Yes it does. Do you think something good happens to one of the 700 who don’t give? You bet. These are independent events people. It is wrong, dare I say sinful, for Pat to stand there in your television set and promise your desperate soul that if you give him your hard earned cash you will get money in return. Shame, shame, shame.

I don’t have a problem with giving money to churches or preachers. In fact, I think faith-based giving plays a bigger role in making the world a better place than it gets credit for. As is the case so often, however, my problem is with the spin. Imagine how much more appealing it would be if Pat said “hey, we do a lot of good in the world. We spread the word of God, we build water wells and school houses in poor nations, we fight disease and starvation. If that’s important to you then send us a check and we’ll keep doing it.” Now you’re talking my language Pat.

I have two little thoughts eating away at my brain, though, as to why Pat doesn’t speak my language. One is that maybe the reality is “hey, we need to make big mortgage payments and buy new Cadillacs but you wouldn’t send us your money if I told you that.” The second is “hey, I know other people’s suffering and our good works don’t move you so I’m looking for the most effective way to separate you from your money.” Do they really know what the Christian part of CBN stands for anymore?